Stress and Control: Learning to Manage Pressure
We often talk about stress as though it's automatically a bad thing.
It isn't.
Stress is part of being alive.
Training is a stress.
Learning something difficult can be stressful.
Starting a new job, competing, changing your diet or doing something you've never done before can all create stress.
Sometimes it's simply the by-product of caring about something and challenging yourself.
And in the right amount, followed by appropriate recovery, stress can be useful.
The problem isn't that we experience stress.
It's what happens when the demands we're facing consistently exceed our ability to cope with them.
Not All Stress Is the Same
Think about strength training.
You deliberately expose your body to a challenge.
You lift something difficult.
You get tired.
Then you recover.
Over time, you adapt.
But that doesn't mean continuously adding more weight, never resting and pushing yourself until you break would produce even better results.
Stress needs recovery.
The same basic principle is useful outside the gym.
There will be periods where you need to concentrate, work hard, make difficult decisions and tolerate some discomfort.
That's part of progressing towards things that matter to you.
But constantly feeling overwhelmed, anxious or unable to cope isn't something you need to celebrate as evidence that you're working hard enough.
Sometimes the appropriate response is to reduce the stress, not become better at suffering through it.
What Can You Control?
When I'm stressed, I find this a useful question:
“What can I actually do about this?”
Sometimes there is something.
You can send the email.
Make the phone call.
Have the conversation.
Prepare for the meeting.
Change your schedule.
Ask for help.
Start the piece of work you've been avoiding.
If there's a useful action available to you, take it.
Worrying about the problem isn't the same as doing something about the problem.
But sometimes there genuinely isn't anything you can do yet.
You've submitted the application.
You've had the conversation.
You've done the work.
Now you have to wait.
That's much harder.
But repeatedly running through every possible outcome in your head isn't necessarily going to change what happens.
A useful principle is:
Control what you can. Prepare for what you can. Then try to let go of what you can't.
Easier said than done.
But it's not a bad place to start.
Learn How to Switch Off
You can't remain switched on indefinitely.
Find something that allows your attention to move somewhere else.
For me, training does this extremely well.
A hard workout can drag me out of my head and into my body.
It's considerably more difficult to think about an unpaid bill or a work problem when you're concentrating on not dropping something heavy on yourself.
I sometimes think of training as my form of meditation.
But yours doesn't have to be.
It might be:
Going for a walk.
Reading.
Playing a game.
Listening to music.
Spending time outside.
Seeing friends.
Cooking.
Practising meditation or breathing exercises.
There's no requirement for your way of unwinding to look productive.
Rest doesn't have to become another thing you're trying to win at.
Exercise Can Help — But It Isn't a Cure for Everything
Regular physical activity can support mental wellbeing and can help some people manage feelings of stress and anxiety.
That's another reason I value training beyond what it does to your muscles.
But exercise isn't a substitute for dealing with the source of a serious problem, and a personal trainer isn't a replacement for appropriate mental-health support.
Sometimes training is exactly what you need.
Sometimes you need rest.
Sometimes you need to talk to somebody.
Knowing the difference is part of managing yourself well.
Recovery Is Part of the Process
If you're deliberately putting yourself under stress—whether through training, work or another challenge—you also need opportunities to recover.
That includes the boring things:
Sleep.
Food.
Movement.
Time away from work.
Social connection.
Doing things you enjoy.
You don't become stronger during the difficult set itself.
The training provides the stimulus.
Adaptation requires recovery.
That's worth remembering outside the gym too.
Help Someone Else
One thing I've always liked when I'm stuck inside my own head is doing something useful for somebody else.
Call a friend.
Help somebody with something.
Check in on someone.
Do something generous without expecting anything back.
It isn't a treatment for stress and it won't magically solve whatever you're dealing with.
But shifting your attention towards another person can sometimes provide a welcome change in perspective.
And you've done something good in the process.
That's rarely a bad outcome.
Control Doesn't Mean Controlling Everything
This is probably the most important distinction.
Control isn't about arranging your life so nothing difficult ever happens.
That's impossible.
And it isn't about suppressing every uncomfortable emotion so you can remain permanently productive.
It's about recognising what you're experiencing and deciding what the most useful response is.
Sometimes:
Act.
Sometimes:
Prepare.
Sometimes:
Recover.
Sometimes:
Accept that you can't change it yet.
And sometimes:
Ask for help.
That's control.
When Stress Becomes Too Much
Everyday stress is normal.
But if stress is persistent, significantly affecting your sleep, relationships, work or ability to function—or you regularly feel unable to cope—don't assume you simply need to become tougher.
Talk to someone you trust and consider speaking to an appropriate healthcare professional.
Resilience doesn't mean doing everything alone.
The Bottom Line
Stress isn't automatically the enemy.
Some stress comes from doing difficult things that matter to us.
Training is probably my favourite example:
Stress → Recover → Adapt.
But more stress isn't automatically better.
The skill is learning when to push, when to act, when to switch off and when to recover.
Ask yourself:
What is within my control?
Do what you reasonably can with that.
Then give yourself permission to put down the things that aren't.